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Original Title:	Dibs in Search of Self: Personality Development in Play Therapy
ISBN:	0345339258 (ISBN13: 9780345339256)
Edition Language:	English

Dibs in Search of Self

Virginia M. Axline

Paperback | Pages: 224 pages

Rating: 4.17 | 10844 Users | 452 Reviews

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this book seems to cause strong reactions, so let me first say what i think it is not:

* it is not a book that predicts how a generic child will improve when treated the way virginia axline treats dibs (how does she treat dibs? she mostly describes dibs’ behavior, not hers).

* it is not a book about diagnostics (dibs is given exactly zero labels).

* it is not a book about technique; it is not a manual even in the broadest sense of the word.

* finally, it is not a book about etiology or the genesis of children's pain, not even this particular child's, even though the author does give some sense of what happened to dibs prior to their encounter.

what i think this book is, is the story of a very unique encounter between two unique individuals who found each other, clicked in a tremendously effective way, and led each other to change and growth. for all of axline's emphasis on the self (the finding of the self, the building up of the self, the solidifying of the self, etc.), DSS is about relationship and love -- the specific relationship axline built with this specific child and the love story they created.

what struck me most about the book, what i keep thinking about, is that healing love, in whatever context you find it, has one defining feature: it makes room for the other. axline's behavior toward dibs may seem at a superficial level pretty empty. she echoes his words and provides affirmation for pretty much all of his wishes, desires, and behaviors. since she doesn't describe herself, we don't know anything about her body language and her own behavior, but after a bit i got the impression that she was warm and smiling, that she didn't move much (except when dibs asked her to), and that she kept her attention riveted on dibs.

as dibs himself observes (he is such an fabulous patient; he notices everything and gives constant feedback and, i am pretty sure, gratification), there is nothing he cannot do in the playroom. this is fantastic for him and seems to be exactly what he needs. the only thing he cannot do is stay past his time, and this is something axline and dibs return to over and over. it's hard for dibs to leave, especially at first, when his situation at home is still extremely tense and hostile. but it's hard for him later, too. this specific therapeutic moment, the time when the session is over, is an extremely important one, crucial really, and i think that in a good therapeutic couple the loss is felt by both therapist and patient.

one thing dibs learns from axline is that losses are not permanent. he also learns that losses are harbingers of new gains and joys, often in pretty short order and in great abundance. it's a bit like waiting until dinner when you want a snack half an hour before the food is ready. by the end of the treatment, dibs adores the thought of thursday.

the way in which axline makes room for dibs is truly wonderful and the most shining lesson of this small book. i have thought about this and i believe the heart of this "making room" is total emptiness and total fullness, combined. the therapist empties herself of expectations, demands, or judgments (except for the very broad judgment that the patient is immensely interesting and lovable). in this process of self-emptying, though, the therapist becomes an extremely strong presence. it is (one of) the greatest miracles of humanness -- the more room we make for others, the more we empty ourselves of our own needs with respect to others, the more we grow in presence and impact. we become as insubstantial and irresistible as pure light.

now, this self-emptying can take place in all sorts of ways and contexts and with all sorts of gradations. the therapeutic setting is one in which this happens very intensely and to a very high degree (this is one of the reasons why therapeutic sessions typically last 50 minutes). there are other settings that are similar -- healing settings in which the "therapist" is not someone with a degree and a job. the idea is the same.

i think that what dibs feels, what blows him away, what makes him giddy with joy, is the loving space, the bright presence, the full emptiness he experiences with his miss A. he has never had that. experiencing it for the first time is dizzying to him. you can see the life being poured into him, and him drinking at it till he's sated. it's wonderful.

so, ultimately, this seems a book about how two people can meet and fall in love, and then, because one of these two people is a sad and hurt little boy, how one of them pours everything she ‘s got into healing him. there is, by the way, as far as i can see, no judgment from axline about the parents. the mother's visit with axline is wonderful. axline treats the mother the same way she treats dibs: she listens, takes her in, gives her space, passes no judgment at all, honors her pain and confusion, gives no advice.

in a really lovely passage little five-year-old dibs goes up to miss A and asks her: what are you? you are not a mom because i have my mom; you are not a teacher because i have my teachers. what are you?

axline echoes dibs' puzzlement rather than providing an answer (what would that answer be anyway?) and dibs happily moves on. i think this book is an answer to this question. what is a therapist? a therapist, a good therapist, is someone who delves into the dark with you, comes with you wherever you take her, sticks with you, and loves you madly. and she does this while being and staying herself, and human, and normal.

Describe About Books Dibs in Search of Self

Title	:	Dibs in Search of Self
Author	:	Virginia M. Axline
Book Format	:	Paperback
Book Edition	:	Anniversary Edition
Pages	:	Pages: 224 pages
Published	:	June 12th 1986 by Ballantine Books (first published 1964)
Categories	:	Psychology. Nonfiction. Biography. Counselling. Health. Mental Health. Education. Childrens

Rating About Books Dibs in Search of Self

Ratings: 4.17 From 10844 Users | 452 Reviews

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One of the earliest case studies of autism. However, it's very dated and, at this point, I think it may do more harm than good. Axline subscribed to the then-prevalent theory that autism was caused by emotionally distant parents, something that has proven to be false. This is useful in the sense that it shows the development of the field of child psychology, but no parent of an autistic child, or person trying to understand the causes of autism, would benefit from it.

A wonderful story of transformation. I learned of how to talk to children in a way that allows them to explore their own complex feelings and of the importance of simple, unstructured play and how revealing it can be.

This is the book that inspired my career choice, and later influenced my specialization as a play therapist/social worker, along with "Play Therapy" by Garry Landreth.This is a beautiful story of a child who needed unconditional positive regard and a non-judgmental environment where he was allowed to call the shots in order to heal.Read this, and you'll know exactly what it's like to be one of my child clients in a play therapy session.

After reading this book, I found myself googling the title and the author to get further information: specifically, I thought this story must be a fabricated account, or that Dibs must be a combination of several children. However, I couldn't find anything to support this theory. There were a number of factors that made me believe that this couldn't be a true account. Firstly, the therapy works very rapidly and very well, and I felt it slotted too nearly into the therapist's theories and plans.

this book seems to cause strong reactions, so let me first say what i think it is not: * it is not a book that predicts how a generic child will improve when treated the way virginia axline treats dibs (how does she treat dibs? she mostly describes dibs behavior, not hers).* it is not a book about diagnostics (dibs is given exactly zero labels).* it is not a book about technique; it is not a manual even in the broadest sense of the word.* finally, it is not a book about etiology or the genesis

"as i said i wanted it. as you said you wanted it. as we said we wanted it."oh gosh, little Dibs is such a remarkable young boy!! He taught me so much about child development and their emotional needs than i could have ever known. i am in love with this book and with the brilliant work Ms. Virginia Axline did with play therapy. i truly love this profession i am going into and i hope to use play therapy with my future child clients. play therapy is a remarkable and effective way to allow children

I loved this book when I read it as an undergraduate, many years ago. I thought the story was captivating, and it provides insight into the development of a counseling relationship longitudinally. For anyone who works with young children, and particularly counselors/therapists, it is a very useful look at how such an experience might work in real life.